Missing Treasure

Reflections from the Field | Missing Treasure

Have you ever had one of those epiphany moments where you realised you’ve been completely missing the point? Life can become so familiar and full of routine that sometimes we don’t even notice what we are missing.

I had one of those confronting moments at the age of 34, the last time I recall that life looked predictable and ‘normal’. I was working at a Christian school, surrounded by Christian workmates, I served regularly at my local church at that time, with two services on a Sunday, attended weekly Life Group, participated in an outreach ministry and my husband and I were studying theology in preparation for a future in missions.  When people asked me, “How are you going?” I would respond with, “Busy!”.

It was true. I was busy. I had the appearance of someone who was productive and ‘very Christian’, but really, I didn’t even know that I was missing something – I was spiritually ‘empty’. All the while, I was wanting to be a missionary – to make Christ known – but the truth was, I hardly knew Christ or spent time with Him. As for connecting with outsiders, this was rare aside from the 2-hour monthly outreach event. For a good part of my mid-20s to 30s, I had gradually found myself, unintentionally, immersed in a Christian bubble. Living a Christian lifestyle that was safe, predictable, and comfortable. It looked like a repetitive cycle of meeting in the same places, but living very separate lives and a myriad of convenient relationships with surface level depth. I noticed that my own walk with Jesus was becoming task-focused. Filled with sporadic bite-sized snacks on the Word. I depended heavily on Sunday sermons or Life Group Bible studies to make up for my lack of focused time in Scripture. Looking back now, I was spiritually anaemic. I could still function and appear ‘Christian’, but after the activity was done, I felt depleted of meaning and far from God.

In August 2014, in the midst of the spiritual mid-life-crisis, my husband developed a terminal condition. Life grounded to a sudden halt as we stared death in the face. Suddenly, all the busyness of life was stripped away and fear engulfed me. All my Christian activity wasn’t going to give me any comfort. I grieved in silence as very few knew the extent of my anguish. I felt so alone. But it was in this crisis that Jesus was reaching out to me.

Jesus shared a parable with His disciples about how

The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” (Matthew 13:44).

I had often wondered what that kind of joy might feel like. That kind of deep, uncontainable joy that leads to a willing surrender of everything else. Up till that point, I never had that need. I had been pretty self-sufficient – even in my Christian life.

It was in the shadows of a hospital room, lit only by the cardiac monitor and moonlight, holding my husband’s weak hand, that God began the desperate soul-surgery on me. Through silent tears, I poured out my anxieties to God. When I could only groan, the Holy Spirit interceded for me – gently embracing me with comfort and guidance. God, in His immense and unexplainable grace, was showing me that knowing Him, in full dependence, in every part of my being and soul, was a treasure beyond worth. By surrendering everything I thought defined me, I discovered that Jesus was the ultimate treasure I needed. I had been so focused on what I was DOING for Him that I neglected to truly KNOW Him as my treasure.

Looking back over the past decade, I can see that God was rescuing my soul by revealing to me the treasure that is in knowing Jesus Christ. This treasure is not like a sparkling cross necklace to be adorned and shown off. This treasure is often packaged in suffering, trials and grief that we cannot understand. How we respond to Christ’s invitation to know Him, especially in suffering, makes all the difference. The Apostle Paul knew this well when he wrote,

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20).

The path of discipleship is to know Jesus – to live His death, sacrifice, and to make Him our treasure. Nothing could be more precious than that!

Jane Sheppard, community engager with The Navigators